And Now For Something Completely Different

In which I travel back in time.

The author vacationing on the Pacific Coast not too long after writing her masterpiece.

Everybody Tells Me Everything

I find it very difficult to enthuse
Over the current news.
Just when you think that at least the outlook is so black that it can grow no blacker, it worsens,
And that is why I do not like the news, because there has never been an era when so many things were going so right for so many of the wrong persons.

— Ogden Nash

Remember a million years ago on August 8th when I posted a very enthusiastic essay about how everything was getting better and how we seemed to be actually headed towards an actual (and appropriate) placement for Ash?

Hahahahahahasob.

In other words, school starts in less than one week and we STILL do not have a placement for Ash.

You can only imagine what that is doing to Ash’s mental health.

But it is not all bad. The girls (and my towels and pillowcases and bathtub) do have extremely excellent hair:

So there is that.

Also, I started my exciting new job and aside from a serious case of DIA (Drowning In Acronyms), it is wonderful.

But the biggest stressor remains, which is why I am going to take you on a fun diversion and share with you a dramatic reading of a book I wrote in fifth grade instead of writing anything of substance. It will be obvious to you (although it was long opaque to me) that it telegraphs my future as an attorney and aspiring writer. It also makes clear that I have excellent taste in men, and a strong sense of good vs. evil. And that my big sister got all the artistic talent. Other than that, I leave it to you to decide what it is all about.

Oh, and for those who are sensitive, it is a murder mystery (very light on the mystery and heavy on the murder) and *may* involve the completely unnecessary (and obviously fictional) offing of a kid. I do not remember a Tommy from when I was growing up, but if there was one, he clearly pissed me off.

Alright. That’s enough foreshadowing. Here you go. Enjoy!

(Filmed and edited by Vee Dimyan.)

Now I’m sure you all have lots of questions, so please share them in the comments and I will do my best to channel my fifth-grade self and answer…