Heartsick

In which despair and fury reveal themselves as siblings.

If these supposedly mortal enemies can get along, why can’t we?

I’m sorry, but I don’t want to be an emperor. That’s not my business. I don’t want to rule or conquer anyone. I should like to help everyone - if possible - Jew, Gentile - black man - white. We all want to help one another. Human beings are like that. We want to live by each other’s happiness - not by each other’s misery. We don’t want to hate and despise one another. In this world there is room for everyone. And the good earth is rich and can provide for everyone. The way of life can be free and beautiful, but we have lost the way.

Greed has poisoned men’s souls, has barricaded the world with hate, has goose-stepped us into misery and bloodshed. We have developed speed, but we have shut ourselves in. Machinery that gives abundance has left us in want. Our knowledge has made us cynical. Our cleverness, hard and unkind. We think too much and feel too little. More than machinery we need humanity. More than cleverness we need kindness and gentleness. Without these qualities, life will be violent and all will be lost…

The aeroplane and the radio have brought us closer together. The very nature of these inventions cries out for the goodness in men - cries out for universal brotherhood - for the unity of us all. Even now my voice is reaching millions throughout the world - millions of despairing men, women, and little children - victims of a system that makes men torture and imprison innocent people.

To those who can hear me, I say - do not despair. The misery that is now upon us is but the passing of greed - the bitterness of men who fear the way of human progress. The hate of men will pass, and dictators die, and the power they took from the people will return to the people. And so long as men die, liberty will never perish…

Soldiers! don’t give yourselves to brutes - men who despise you - enslave you - who regiment your lives - tell you what to do - what to think and what to feel! Who drill you - diet you - treat you like cattle, use you as cannon fodder. Don’t give yourselves to these unnatural men - machine men with machine minds and machine hearts! You are not machines! You are not cattle! You are men! You have the love of humanity in your hearts! You don’t hate! Only the unloved hate - the unloved and the unnatural! Soldiers! Don’t fight for slavery! Fight for liberty!

In the 17th Chapter of St Luke it is written: “the Kingdom of God is within man” - not one man nor a group of men, but in all men! In you! You, the people have the power - the power to create machines. The power to create happiness! You, the people, have the power to make this life free and beautiful, to make this life a wonderful adventure.

Then - in the name of democracy - let us use that power - let us all unite. Let us fight for a new world - a decent world that will give men a chance to work - that will give youth a future and old age a security. By the promise of these things, brutes have risen to power. But they lie! They do not fulfil that promise. They never will!

Dictators free themselves but they enslave the people! Now let us fight to fulfil that promise! Let us fight to free the world - to do away with national barriers - to do away with greed, with hate and intolerance. Let us fight for a world of reason, a world where science and progress will lead to all men’s happiness. Soldiers! in the name of democracy, let us all unite!

— Charlie Chaplin, The Great Dictator

The night before Thanksgiving, Ben and the girls and I sat down to watch The Great Dictator. I had not seen it in decades, and so I was completely blindsided by Chaplin’s soaring, heart-shaking closing speech. I shivered through it and for a long time after.

“He was talking directly to Roosevelt,” I told the girls. “And all of the other world leaders who had the power to stop Hitler, as well as all the soldiers marching - or not marching - on their orders. But he was also talking directly to the soldiers of Germany, who were carrying out Hitler’s orders. Even though he could have responded to them with anger and hatred - since they were trying to kill every single Jew in the world, and he was Jewish - he responded to them instead with love and hope. He was asking them to be better than the leaders who were pulling them towards evil. He was asking them to remember that love is - or should be - stronger than hate. And he was talking to all the innocent people too. Even now my voice is reaching millions throughout the world…he was breaking the fourth wall, and in the middle of endless horror he was using his celebrity and reach to speak directly to desperate people everywhere, who had seen their hope trampled over and over. How amazing is that?”

You should watch the clip.

You should show your children.

Later that night, I remembered: Not so long ago, when my girls were little, often when I would rock them at bedtime, or soothe them in my arms when they were sad or sick or agitated for some reason or another, my mind would brim and swirl with vivid thoughts of all the children all across the world who at that very moment were lonely or grief-stricken or in pain or sobbing or worst of all, silent, and had no one at all to comfort them, had no safety, no help, no love, to lift them up and carry them through. And I thought of all of the parents and caregivers too, who loved their children beyond measure, as I did and do, but who could not keep them safe from harm, or even soothe their fears because their fears were real and terrible and overwhelming and any comfort would have the tinge of falsehood.

And in the hours after watching The Great Dictator, as Chaplin’s words continued to echo, I was taken right back to that place of helpless, gut-wrenching despair, but centered on the children of today who are suffering beyond all comprehension.

The children of Ukraine.

The children of Syria.

The children of North Korea.

The children of Pakistan and Afghanistan.

The children of Sudan.

The children of Somalia.

So many of the children of Latin America.

Countless other children in neighborhoods and villages and regions and countries around the world.

And yes, of course, the children of Israel and Palestine.

In most cases it is easy - relatively - to sit in safety in a safe country where poverty and bigotry and tendrils of authoritarianism are certainly causing great misery, but where there is not (yet) war, where a social safety net (even one with too many holes) exists, and sort the innocent and the evil into buckets:

Putin and his henchmen: evil. Ukrainian citizens: innocent.

Assad and his henchmen: evil. Syrian citizens: innocent.

Kim Jong Un and his henchmen: evil. North Korean citizens: innocent.

And so on.

But the war in Israel and Palestine? It is too hard for us.

Consider: Is it the Israeli-Palestinian war? The Israeli-Hamas war? The Netanyahu & Co. - Hamas war?

Or: Did the war start on October 7, 2023? Did it start in 1948? 1967? 1994?

If we cannot even agree on the basics, how can we ever hear each other on the hardest questions of all?

The answer is: we mostly cannot.* I have been appalled by the friends and acquaintances of mine on both sides who consider themselves proud progressives on all other issues, but whose humanity and empathy and decency have come to a shrieking halt in the last two months. The vitriol and small-mindedness, the “if you are not for us you are against us” thinking, the rhetoric, and the meanness that would spark delight in the hearts of all of the worst of the worst characters in this awful saga…it defies comprehension.

When I worked for Center for Inspired Teaching, my favorite activity, which I have reprised in many contexts for many different audiences, was called “When the Opposite is Also True.” (I encourage you to try it at home, and apologies to Aleta if this is any different than you originally intended.)

On a piece of paper, leaving space below each sentence, write three things you know are true. For example, I might write:

My name is Jane.

It is November.

I live in Maryland.

Now, underneath each sentence, add the word “not” or its equivalent, to make the sentence say the opposite:

My name is Jane.

My name is not Jane.

It is November.

It is not November.

I live in Maryland.

I do not live in Maryland.

Now, pick any of your sentence pairs, and consider: How can both be true at the same time, without changing any of the fundamental premises of the statements? (E.g. I cannot reconcile them by saying, “If my parents had not named me Jane, my name would not be Jane.”)

So I might say that my name is Jane, but I have a Hebrew name as well, which is Miriam. When I am in Israel, both because Miriam is my Hebrew name, but also because Hebrew does not have a J sound, my name is Miriam. But everywhere else, or if I am in Israel but talking to someone back home, my name is Jane. Thus both things are true at the same time.

This exercise always provokes thoughtful and insightful conversation, and one of the inevitable takeaways is this: As humans, we are capable of not only holding, but reconciling, two seemingly-opposing thoughts at the same time. It is possible! Try it and you will see!!

And this truth can hold for far more difficult and painful statements than, “My name is Jane.” Here, try this one:

I mourn for the slain and traumatized innocents, killed by Hamas in Israel.

I mourn for the slain and traumatized innocents, killed by Israel in Palestine.

Now, to a neutral observer, these statements do not appear oppositional at all. Of course not! Innocent people being killed and traumatized are deserving of our empathy, regardless of their race, religion, national origin, sex, gender, age, etc. But in the fog of war, and the reason-stopping haze of national trauma, both sides have forgotten how easy this should be. And so two actually reconcilable statements become like north-north magnetic poles, repelling each other ceaselessly. And so the war continues, and the misery, and the soul-demolishing rage, which destroys the owner sooner than the target in most cases.

Please watch the Chaplin clip, and really take in his words. Please read or listen to this amazing interview. If your heart is cold, if there is ugliness inside you that does not square with the rest of your life, if there is any chance that young people could be learning powerful and hateful messages from you, if you cannot summon any empathetic feelings for the shattered children, the shattered parents, the shattered families and communities on BOTH sides, if you cannot reconcile feeling empathy for the Israeli innocents AND the Palestinian innocents, please take a long breath, take some time away from whatever echo chambers you are inhabiting, and please try to do better.

These are all the words I have.

*I carve out a significant exception here for Vee’s history teacher in her magnet program, who, despite being Jewish, despite teaching at a school where kids were videotaping themselves giving Nazi salutes this September, and despite teaching ninth graders, who are not known for being able to handle nuance, managed to lead classroom discussions of the conflict in a way that both maintained respect for all sides and allowed the kids - including my half-Jewish, half-Egyptian daughter - to air their thoughts and feelings. Kudos, Mr. Grossman!